This week has been a dark week.

From the moment my mother banged on my door shouting "MM Lee is dead!" at 6AM on Monday morning, I knew deep down that this week was not going to be an ordinary week. After all, the founder of modern Singapore was no more and that calls for grief and mourning that should not be held back.

As a 18 year old, turning 19 this year, I can safely say that I have been more of a recipient of the fruits of Mr Lee's guidance than someone who has been there to participate in Singapore's long journey of transformation from fishing village to first world metropolitan city. And because of that, I am thankful that MM Lee's life work has allowed all of us young people to enjoy a life in Singapore that is safe and conducive for our daily activities. It's weird however, that even though most of us probably have not seen him in person before, we all feel a sense of connection to this person who appears more on our textbooks than on television in his later years. I remember on Tuesday, I was helping my tutee with her Math homework when there was this page that required her to answer this question, "Who is the first Prime Minister of Singapore?" by solving simple equations which answers would give her a letter to fill in the blanks with. Then I realised, without even looking, MM Lee was everywhere. Every HDB building, every tree, every step we tread on in the MRT stations, they are all results of his endless hard work and dedication.

I sat crying on my bed on Monday, for half an hour, not knowing what to do. The first feeling I felt was utter sadness, and then the next, insecurity. And these two feelings resided in my heart for the whole week, even till now as I'm writing this, and they probably won't disappear for a long time from now. The man who first ruled this nation is gone, who will be there to guide us now? Who will the ministers consult when troubles arise? I'm certainly not doubting the abilities of our current ministers, but it is the truth that they have been all inspired and benefited from the teachings of our former minister mentor, who will they turn to now that (quote our dearest PM Lee, who I now so deeply admire for his professionalism during the past week) "The light that has guided us has been extinguished." Yet again, who knows what the future holds? We can only have faith in our government that they continue to uphold MM Lee's spirit.

On Friday, I finally managed to take the time off to pay MM Lee my last respects. Even till then it felt surreal that he had really passed on. For some reason, my heart was probably still struggling with the fact that he had died and my mind probably refused to accept it. Strangely enough, I was at peace when I was queueing outside the Parliament House. Walking along Singapore river, I looked at the Merlion, with its endless stream of water spewing out of its mouth, the esplanade, the Marina Bay Sands buildings, the Fullerton Hotel. I took it all in. Singapore really has advanced this far, huh, I thought, my mind comparing the scene I was seeing then to the pictures of Singapore as a fishing settlements I saw on Twitter the night before. That instance, I felt nothing but gratefulness towards the people that contributed to Singapore's current success. I thought I had come to terms with it, because I was smiling inwardly then. But then, it hit me hard when the casket came into sight, with the Singapore flag draped over it. I was rushed forward by the guards, and quickly, I made a 45 degree bow in the direction of the casket. There he is, MM Lee is no more. My mind finally registered the truth. There's no running away. Tears filled my eyes as I made my way out and I tried so hard not to let my tears fall in front of the many ministers seated there.

Dear Mr Lee Kuan Yew, do you see this. How close to a million people have grieved over you for the past week? Do you see the impact of your rule? If only you could live to see how grateful we are towards you, MM Lee. Dear Mr LKY, I'm not religious. But I hope that now, you are resting well beside your wife perhaps in a happier world. This long rest is one that you truly deserve. You have inspired generations of people living within this island state and your dedications and perseverance is one that all of us should emulate.

Rest assured that you won't ever have to rise from your grave MM Lee. Thank you for all you've done and please, rest in peace. 您辛苦了，请您一路走好。

Hello to whoever's reading this blog that no one actually reads!

Hihi, to whoever's reading this blog!

Time for a monthly post (:

I finally turned 18 this week! Had a Chem paper that day though, life sucks ):

But still, I'm glad I turned 18.

I've never really liked celebrating my birthday since no one really did in primary school; never got invited to any parties and the last time I threw one in P3, oh god, don't even talk about it. I cried HAHA. Stupid me. Over what, I shan't say but let's just say the me last time is gone for good and I'm glad I'm the way I am now.

Birthdays now, are exciting and a reminder of how I've matured over the years. I can't say I'm the most mature, I don't think I am (flashback to many many embarrassing moments in life), but I can proudly say that I have become the person I've wanted to be. Of course, not appearance wise or intelligence wise, but simply put, I'm glad I've become someone with friends.

Personally, I don't treat birthday messages as something that people are obliged to send, or my birthday something that people ought to engrave in their memories, but when I do receive them, I'm glad they did. This year especially, even with As, even the most unexpected of people did. Even if some people had forgotten, I know it wasn't on purpose, and I wouldn't doubt the place I hold in their lives. If anything, I should place faith in my friends that they like me for who I am and things like remembering one's birthday is trivial.

People always ask me, why do you place friends so high up there, along with your family? Because they have changed me more than my family has. For the better, that's why. I could not live a life without my friends because I've had a taste of life without them. I didn't like it, and I'm never going back to that.

Turning 18 to me, signifies the start of this journey of dream chasing. I'm going to take this few months, sit down and seriously think of what I want to do. I've decided I want to make a positive impact in people's lives, I want to make people laugh and smile. That will be my benchmark whilst searching for an ideal career. I mean every career has the capability to do that, but I want to search for a career that will enable me to make people smile the way I want them to. I know this sounds cliche and totally impractical for the 21st century. But that's who I am, I'm a dreamer. It's the possibility of these dreams coming true that keep me going. Who knows which dream will come true? Maybe one day I'll be a Michelin chef? Maybe one day I'll be a YouTube star? Maybe one day I'll open my own bar? Maybe one day I'll become a criminal lawyer? Maybe one day I'll work for the FBI? Or... maybe I'll be able to work alongside the best directors? *___* Easy does it, and I'm going to slowly look into myself to see which dream is the most attainable. There's no rush. I do hope I have 80 more years in front of me. So, there's no rush. Maybe I'll start working on one of them straight after As. Ahh, I can already imagine days with a notebook, sitting at a bench beside the window at McCafe on a rainy day with a cup of hot coffee in front of me, daydreaming about scene after scene. Can't wait!!

After all, we only do have one life, don't we?

FIGHT-O!

Wan Xin ^_^

So so many things racing through my mind right now.

Don't you just hate being a student of Singapore especially during the holiday periods?

If you don't, you're weird.

I've literally spent almost every waking minute with a book in front of me and god, my brains are saturated with so much info I don't think anything can enter anymore.

I've been thinking about life recently (don't I always).

Let's say I've been thinking about the romantic side of life.

It's so amazing how people can find the right one in this world? I know we always say the world's small, but let's not overlook the fact that there are more than 7 billion people in the world, which is a colossal number.

Like how do people feel mutual attraction for others and stuff? I swear this is more confusing than math. I kind of envy people who have been in love really, I really just want to know how it feels like to be hopelessly in love. Is it really that wonderful a feeling? I don't know O_O

On the other hand, I've been very emotional today. I don't know why.

I just feel like I've wasted my life away pursuing too little and giving up too much along the way. If I had stayed with something, maybe I'd have accomplished more. Maybe I'll feel better about myself. Just maybe.

Discovered a new Chinese singer called 胡彦斌 and god his talent is limitless. Like wow.

There's this song that makes me feel like crying all the time whenever I listen to it. That speaks volumes. But then again, I'm an emotional person.

And his singing voice is so sexy, nope it did not cost me anything to say that. And he's so cute and funny <3

let's just end this post here, i've nothing much to say in the first place.

Woah, seriously, has it been that long since I've done up a blog post.

I don't even know why I'm trying to keep the blog alive, because I don't think anyone actually reads it O.O

Anyway, March/April 2014 have been rather kind to me, at least, I'm not that stressed up yet, or maybe it's just myself.

Key events that happened would probably be joining OpSmile, having my last CommServ session as an Interactor EVER (D:), getting to know more of my classmates better and definitely meeting new juniors.

I really don't know what to speak of the 2 months, since they have been rather boring but meeting the juniors probably is the key event, since I could not have asked for nicer and cuter juniors. Really hope ExCo elections turn out the way I hoped it would be; some people really do deserve that spot.

Now, we're already half way into May, like SAY WHAT. When did that happen.

As much as I'd like to say that, it is the cold hard truth that we only have 6 months... or 5 1/2 months left to study for As, so let's make the best out of it.

May's going to be such a hectic month.

SPAs.
Rotary Medical Camp trip to Malacca.
NHMed preparations.
OpSmile Polaroid Booth.

Here's to a fulfilling month ahead.

P.S. RUBY AND SAPPHIRE REMAKE. SOMEONE HOLD ME. SEND IN THE OXYGEN MASKS AND THE SHOCK BLANKETS. HOENN IS BACK.

Gah, missed that January monthly post.

But school's started off pretty fine. And it's getting stressful, now that I'm FINALLY doing tutorials HAHA. Really, I don't even know how I managed to pass last year slacking so badly but definitely going to put in more effort this year.

January... BLEAGH. It passed in a blur to be honest. I was sincerely so glad to meet everyone again and to be honest, my life is so uneventful, I have to rely on things such as... school to spice things up. Sigh, #boredgirl96

But, then again, it's not as if exciting things have not been happening. In fact... many things have happened, however, I shall keep them secret :P

Yeah, with the start of the year, I'm starting to wonder if... I've drifted apart from my Secondary 4 clique. Or were we even a clique in the first place? God, I don't even know anymore. All I know is that I'm drifting apart from many of them, and I don't know why, I'm not even desperate to keep that relationship. Maybe, the illusion that 'we're-best-friends' was real. Maybe we weren't really like true, true friends? Not maybe, definitely. Like I confide in my current friends than my Sec 4 friends more. 'More' isn't even the word to describe it... more like a thousand times more? Bloody, I'm so confused. Maybe, it was just me thinking that we were best friends all along, but they never really thought anything of me. Who knows? But it's my fault that I've been neglecting them as well I guess. CCA, acads, new friends... I mean we're bound to drift apart, but I never expected it to be that bad.

Yet, I've never felt more close to my classmates HAHA, even the other half I don't normally speak to...

OH YAH, which brings me back to CNY celebrations, damn, it was so exciting. Like I NEVER KNEW SELLING HOTDOGS COULD BE SO ADRENALINE PUMPING. But it was a job well done in the end ^^

Yep :) Really hope we grow closer and closer.

Many things are happening in CCA now! Or at least are going to happen. There's going to be Orientation, NEW JUNIORS and MASS CIP and this Wednesday, CCA EXHIBITION. I can't can't wait! Interact always makes me so happy (other than when facing coughyouknowwho), sigh gonna be so terribly sad when the Interact journey ends ):

And there was that trip to Sin Min where we celebrated CNY with the elderly!!! The elderly are so cute ahh, but I seriously felt so sorry for them, maybe after As, I'll go back there to help and play with them ^^

Okay, that concludes Jan and half of Feb.

BORED.

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