Have gun, Will travel

Monday, April 22, 2013

Life as of now posted at 5:43 AM

Sorry if you get dizzy from staring at this

I've never felt so busy my entire life, nope, not even when I was doing OM.

I would be handling what you'd call the biggest project in my life so far, and well, I guess I've been screwing it up pretty well (which is... not something that I should be terribly proud of).

Booksrevived 2013. I don't even know if you can call the first day a success. 539 books? To me that's a lot, but god knows how the others think about it.

But undeniably, what I've learnt from this project is definitely something that I wouldn't be able to learn elsewhere. You can lead all kinds of projects for different causes and you take away different things from each project I guess. And consequently as you lead more projects, the more experience you gain, and the better you'll do.

Then again, I've never felt more insecure about myself. I probably do suck at this though (which probably means I won't get into EXCO)

And guess what, today, the class shortlisted 10 CT Reps to 4, and I'm one of them. I really really want Apollo Fac Comm, I'm serious about it. I love Apollo and I really want to contribute to this lovely faculty. But I destroyed all hopes of joining FC with my own hands and there's no turning back. I almost teared when I explained to Mr Ong why I probably couldn't join FC, but I didn't want to hide things. That'll be unfair for Interact, and myself. I'll be simply self denying the fact that there's no hope for me to enter FC. I don't want to lie to myself.

Don't think me wrong. I love Interact, I love Apollo as much as I love Interact. But if you ask me which I'll choose, maybe I'll choose FC. FC needs energy, I've got it; FC needs high people, I'm it. EXCO needs people who can lead, I'm not it; EXCO needs people who are clear of what they're doing, and I don't have it.

Put it simply, I don't want to feel useless and I just want to join something that I can feel useful in.

But all hope is lost, and I can't turn back time.

Signing off,

The dumbest person ever